Let’s face the hard truth – we can’t change other people. I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent WAY too much time trying to help “fix” others, so the good news is, we all get to drop THAT ball, and spend our time where we can make a difference. Here are some ways to feed your relationships instead of tearing them apart.
Give appreciation generously! I like the way you……Thanks for helping out with…..I was so impressed by the way you……You look really nice today…..Thanks for being such a great….. Here’s a good rule of thumb, give at least 5 positive bits of feedback for every one negative.
Model the way you wish to be treated.
Say what’s true for you, respectfully, and choose what is really important. If someone hurts your feelings, try saying “ouch, that hurts,” instead of lashing back. Ask for what you want. Stick to I messages. Learn to say no, that doesn’t work for me. Choose your issues. If something like a sock on the floor gets you fired up, shift your focus onto something that makes you feel good. It’s not worth poking at people for every little thing.
Apologize sincerely. A real apology goes a long way to build trust . I’m sorry might be all you need. If a real trust has been broken, intended or not, own it, acknowledge the impact and express your true apology. I feel ashamed when I hurt anyone deeply, and it seems easier to avoid or excuse it, but the real repair comes through ownership and apology.
When you disagree, try saying, yes….and, instead of no…but. We all disagree with people on a fairly regular basis. Find the thing you agree on (say the outcome), then listen and hear the other point of view. Use the gap to get creative on a win-win.
Take care of yourself! Feed your own spirit, and you will have more to give and appreciate in others.
Remember: Nobody gets to be wrong and everybody gets to be partially right.
Please join the conversation below by adding the ways that you feed the best in your relationships I look forward to reading and responding to you!
With love, Cricket
